WHAT IS MIDLIFE?

Charon poses before a mural of MidLife.

If you're reading this handbook, chances are you've just made the leap from life, to death - however, unbeknownst to you, your laces were tied, your legs were weak, and the hurdle might've been a bit too high. Before you knew it, your face left a dent on the pavement deeper than the Chicxulub crater. Needless to say... you didn't quite make the jump.

Don't worry - you're in the same boat as about 94.8 Billion fellow souls... and, even better, you're talking to the best ferryman this side of Venice! I'm proud to be your mini-Psychopomp through Our Beautiful MidLife, and, if I may say so myself, I have a nearly encyclopedic knowledge of this world. Don't take it from me - read on, and see for yourself!

The first question on your mind may have already been answered for you; either by an employee at the Interment Facility from whence you came, or by the informational film (starring none other than me!) shown to all newcomers. However, for the sake of completion, I'll cover it again; what is MidLife?

Everyone has a goal in life; Jimmy always wanted to be the star of his own musical, singing and dancing before the marveling masses. Leyna's heart was set on becoming a Zoologist - a modern day Jane Goodall, with twice the charisma, and thrice the fame. Stephen knew he'd one day become the world's best dishwasher - the mere sight of a dirtied plate sent him into uncontrollable fits of rage. To reign supreme, soapy rag in hand, was all he ever dreamt.

...But what if they never reached those goals...? ...What if their lives ended before they were supposed to...? What if - by some terrible turn of events - God's plan didn't go as planned...?

That's what MidLife is for.

MidLivian Citizens in their beautiful city.

MidLife is an urbanized purgatory between fates, designed for souls who's God-given purpose was not fulfilled in their Earthly days - a never-ending world in which you are to continue that great existential search. Our vast cityscape knows no end - It's buildings as tall as the mind can imagine - it's roads rising, falling, and bending through the sky like ten-lane rollercoasters. It is home to deceased Humans from across all eras, Theological beings unlike anything you've seen before, and more. No matter where you go, you'll be surrounded by life. There's a place for everyone - - - Even our bodies of water are civilized - don't be surprised if your Facility provided housing is within a partially submerged skyscraper!

Naturally, there are countless ways to spend your newfound eternity; Visit our innumerable Historical Museums, filled with real genocide survivors! Try a Formaldehyde Frappe at a newly revamped Doggie Diner, with live performances by your favorite undead musicians! Head over to a local park, bustling with our trademark Locusts and exotic Dodos!

Artistic interperetations
of both fates.

You'll be here until you achieve a second death by completing your destiny. After this occurs, your soul will finally leave behind your body -  gliding through the dreamlike gates of Heaven, or tumbling down the unforgiving, unimaginable, repulsively horrific flaming vortex of Hell.

How exciting!

It may all seem quite intimidating at first; a whole new world - one almost entirely unlike what you once knew. A place with it's own array of culture - it's own gallery of people - even it's own selection of languages... hope you know Latin!

But don't worry; you've got more than a lifetime to get it all sorted. With this book in hand, they'll be calling you Virgil in no time!

An artistic interpretation of MidLife.